A letter I wrote to my 18 year-old sister on her birthday

My adopted-sister has finally turned 18.  I don't want to get into it but I've been contemplating sending her something on her birthday (such as a letter) but never thought I actually would.  Her ties with my family have evaporated and I have not seen her since Christmas Eve however, I felt the need to share some advice with her now that she has officially entered adulthood.

Dear ******,

I’ve waited a long time to send you this and now that you’re finally 18 and a legal adult, I think it’s time that you hear me out.  Whether or not you take my advice is up to you and I know that you’re stubborn so I have very low expectations of you, but I hope some of it will resonate.  Or, I can only hope that it will.

Here is some of my advice to you:

1)   There is no such thing as the “only one” or “the one.”  Timing is everything and only commit when you feel like you are absolutely ready. Treat your body as a shrine and respect yourself.  Someone will come along and make your black and white world turn colorful and vibrant and everything will make sense.  Don’t be the girl who’s pregnant at 18, married by 20 with twins on the way by 23.  Be the girl who’s established herself in society, made a career and made a living.  Everything else will magically fall into place once you do that.

2)   Don’t settle for someone thinking that you’re only “pretty.”  You are far better than that: you are stunning and sophisticated and smart and cultured and eager to color the world with the shades of your life’s stories.  Do not ever let anyone simplify you as just “pretty.”  I hope you meet someone in life who challenges you.  Equally, someone who wants to take you to Olive Garden or who will pay for a vacation in the Bahamas with you should not impress you.  I hope the man that impresses you wants to fly you to Paris, getting his PhD or has passion for life, not someone who lives in Section 8 housing or still lives with their parents.

3)   I read a quote the other day that went like this: “An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.”  Society will try to destroy you and manipulate you into thinking that superficial things like designer clothes and loads of money matter.  It doesn’t and I hope you sympathize with people who think that it does.

4)   “If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed ahead.” That’s a quote from Roald Dahl (he wrote Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and The BFG).  If you want to be a doctor, go to med school.  If you want to be an architect, exercise your ability to draw.  The world has endless options and opportunities, you only just have to find them and there are plenty.  Don’t give up.

5)   Accept the past and make peace with it so that it doesn’t follow you into the present.  We’ve all made shitty decisions and choices and it’s the strong ones who are able to learn from their mistakes that end up on top and are better people at the end of the day.

6)   Do not put all of your eggs into one basket.  What I’m saying is this: once you find something or someone that makes your entire life worth living (and equally controls all of your happiness) then you know you are already at a loss.  Life has an oftentimes cruel and unexpected way of panning out.  If that something or someone fails to continue to exist then all of your happiness goes away.  Be passionate towards many things that way when something unexpected happens you still have happiness in your other baskets.

7)   Don’t get a tattoo right now.  What could you possibly want on your body for the rest of your life?  I know you’re 18 and you’re probably wanting to go to strip clubs, get tattooed and do other crazy things now that you’re legal but just because you can do all of these things does not mean that you should.

8)   Some days will be rough.  Some days you’ll want to sit in bed with the lights out and cry for no reason and that’s okay.  Don’t let negative thoughts consume you.  Open the curtains, breathe in some fresh air and accept that everything is temporary.  Know that the shitty feelings will go away, your negative thoughts will fade and days will get better.  Sometimes it takes a while but I promise that it happens!

9)   Don’t come up with excuses.  Don’t blame other people for unhappiness in your life.  You’re in complete control.  You can make your day better and you hold that ability in your hands.  When I feel crummy I go to Panera and order a large macaroni and cheese because there has never been a time when food has not cheered me up.  Find your happy place.

10)                  Love everything and everyone.  Be kind and put energy into creating a beautiful life for yourself and wonderful things will happen to you.  Never stop growing, forgiving and loving.  You have your entire life ahead of you with little to no barriers so take advantage of your youth and begin building a strong foundation for a life that you will be happy living.

Happy 18^th birthday.  Love you.